Driving home from Target tonight, I was struck with tears and overcome by joy. It dawned on me that this was the farthest away from home I had driven myself in over a year! Not only that, but I was also able to walk (without a cane or a walker or a wheelchair) into the store and shop for groceries… by myself. I was able to push a cart, reach for items on the shelf, go through checkout, and load groceries into my car… by myself. To top that off, before my trip to Target, I was able to take sweet Charlie to the dog park and walk around with him… you guessed it… by myself!
I never thought that one of the best days of my life would consist of such simple tasks. It made me think back to this past November when my health had hit an all time low. I remember sitting on the bathroom floor of my hospital room balling my eyes out and crying out to God in desperation. I had never felt a hopelessness like that before. I had never wanted to give up until that very moment… I felt like my life was over. I maybe even wanted it to be. My body was failing me. I couldn’t walk by myself, the irregularities with my heart kept me from sleeping, I couldn’t eat without getting sick, and I was in constant pain. My 29 year old body was deteriorating before my very eyes. I simply had nothing left to give – physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
So when I say that today is one of the best days of my life, I am not exaggerating. The space between a few months ago and now could not be more vast! I couldn’t help but cry tears of joy on my drive home in celebration. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still a journey… one with many ups and downs. In fact, I spent the better part of this morning on the couch with the shades drawn, nursing a migraine and soothing joint pain – all while battling that negative headspace that constantly wants to take over. But I’ll take it… because I have hope again. I know I am going to continue to get better. Even compared to a few months ago, I am a new person.
Thank you all for your continued prayers and support! Despite the pain and torment this past year has been, it has also been an overwhelming lesson in love… a depth to which I could never have experienced otherwise.
“It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely the most important.” -Arthur Conan Doyle