A Paradigm Shift.

“Struggle and criticism are prerequisites for greatness. That is the law of this universe and no one can escape it. Because pain is life, but you can choose which type. Either the pain on the road to success or the pain of being haunted with regret.” –

I recently came across this beautiful quote the other day by, Prince Ea. As I watched the video it came from and as I listened to this spoken word artist perform his truth, I found myself in tears. And in fact, this was something I found myself in a lot lately.

Trust me, I’ve cried plenty of tears over the last few years. I cried as my body slowly withered, becoming a private prison of which only I could understand the hell. I cried as I lost my ability to read and write. I cried as I lost my chance to be a partner in my marriage and a friend to the people I hold dear. I cried in pain. I cried in fear. I cried ….and I cried …and I cried. But a­­­­ll of those tears shed over the last few years had one thing in common – they were all shed for loss.

The tears I’ve been crying lately stem from a different part of my soul. They are beautiful and many, and bring with them happiness and peace. These tears… they are tears of gratitude.

Gratitude has changed my life.

I know I say that I am grateful a lot, but I’ve only recently come to realize the difference between saying it while trying to believe it and really feeling it with my whole heart. Don’t get me wrong, I understand there are many days when simply saying you are grateful and trusting that the feelings will follow, is all that you will have in you …BUT… there will be other days, days that leave you weak in the knees with tears streaming down your face, because you just can’t believe how blessed you are. Those are the days I live for – the days I strive for.

While I may fail miserably and often, I know it’s all part of growth – part of the pain on my road to success. But I’d rather have it that way any day than living with the pain of regret.

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A few weeks ago I had a bad bout of gastritis. As I sat in the exam room in crippling pain, I was delirious from dehydration, hunger, and insomnia. And although I was feeling like a human pin cushion from all the IVs stuck into my poor, abused veins, I couldn’t help but smile. I was overwhelmed with a gratefulness I didn’t think was possible. For once, a trip to urgent care (or the ER) wasn’t because my heart was beating irregularly or because I literally couldn’t move parts of my body, or because of something Lyme-related at all. I was there for something “normal.” I didn’t have to fight for the help I so desperately needed. I didn’t have to try to make someone hear me or believe me.

It was incredible.

I know that may sound morbid, but it truly was an amazing and surreal feeling – one that left me smiling like a lunatic while tears of gratitude trickled down my face.

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Even though this was just one incident where I was caught off-guard by gratefulness, to me, it was the perfect example of life viewed through the eyes of gratitude. And while I may fall blind to this perspective often, I’m making huge strides towards letting it becoming my  default. In fact, I have even started practicing mental exercises to help condition my thoughts. When I think something negative (which, trust me, is still far too often) or when I say something, even unintentionally negative, I make myself immediately say or think something positive about the same situation/person. It’s harder than I had ever imagined (I truly didn’t realize how negative I had become) but completely worth it! In fact, I think that if we all strived for this, it would change the world – I know it’s changed mine. Besides, what do we have to lose …except maybe some anger, and hurt, or possibly even a little resentment?

But maybe that’s just me?

All of this is to say, please  don’t make it to the end of your life filled with regret. Because I promise you this, no matter how hard or how hopeless a situation may feel, in retrospect, it’s tragically clear to see the choices we had in it – the missed opportunities for greatness. And while pain and suffering may be prerequisites for this greatness, I would argue that gratitude is the only path to get there.

In the midst of the pain you are feeling, perhaps the greatest pain of your life, look for the little things that you can be grateful for. I assure you there is always something, even if you have to claw your way through hell to see it (I speak only from experience). Once you find that gratitude, no matter how minuscule, let it be a beacon of light in your darkest hour. Let it lead you down a road to a life beyond your wildest dreams… let it grow in you until all of the pain and all of the suffering can’t help but become overshadowed by it.

I think you’ll find yourself in tears for how beautiful it can be.

Let gratitude become your world.

 

“Gratitude turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity …it makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”         – Melody Beattie