“Fight against something and we focus on what we hate. Fight for something and we focus on what we love.”
-Simon Sinek
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I love this quote… more now than ever.
As I sit here in front of my computer, tears streaming down and my hands shaking, I can hardly believe that I’m writing this. I suppose ignorance on my part is to blame for that.
It’s 2017 …………………….2017……………………..2017.
I have to keep saying that over and over and over again to myself because I don’t really believe it.
You see, I believe in putting love above all else. It’s not just a motto that I say or something that I think is the “right” thing to do, it is something that I believe with my entire being. Now, I fail miserably at this all the time, of course, and it’s a hard fought battle against my often angry heart …but it’s one that I am determined to win. That is why I feel I MUST write this. If I put my money where my mouth is, then there is no other option. I choose love. Even today, when my heart aches and the world feels heavy, I… Choose… Love.
Not only am I talking specifically about the recent tragedy in Charlottesville, but really about so much more than that – about my friends and family whose lives have been shattered by the senseless prejudice, racism, and bigotry that have become reoccurring themes in our nation lately – about the continued violence and hate fueled by fear. In fact, I just finished watching an in-your-face recap of the appalling events that transpired in Charlottesville, only to be followed by the news of the tragedy in Barcelona today. To see such violence, hatred, bigotry, and racism with my own two eyes, in my own lifetime, words will never suffice…
It does however remind me of how easy it is to put on blinders and take the out of sight, out of mind approach to not only life but morality and the values I stand for. That is part of the problem. I am part of the problem. I have allowed myself to believe that in 2017 …2017 (there I go again having to remind myself) “these problems” aren’t really that prevalent – sure I would stand up if confronted but what likelihood of that is there really? Like the slap in the face that I needed, I have been confronted by my own cowardice and complacency to see that not only is it a likelihood, but a reality. Racism, bigotry, and prejudice are not words from my college history class, but a part of my lifetime. Not only are they prevalent and appalling, but made more so by the fact that people are willing to put it out of their view and out of their minds. Myself included …but not anymore! Not. Anymore.
I am reminded of the quote by Pastor Martin Neimoller:
First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out-
Because I was not a Socialist.
Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out-
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out-
Because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me – and there was no one left to speak for me.
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Here I am speaking out.
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I was recently at the Holocaust Museum in Washington DC. In the very few days that I was In DC, it was one of the only places I was sure I wanted to visit …and I am so glad that I did. It was life-changing. For those of you who say that the rhetoric of hatred and ignorance spued by our leaders, or our fellow citizens alike, is harmless and easy to overlook in light of other “more important issues,” I say to you, you are wrong. As I walked the halls of the museum and read paragraph after paragraph of the history that preluded the unspeakable tragedy that is the holocaust, I couldn’t help but to feel shivers down my spine. The eerily familiar language rung in my ears like a bell. How can we, in 2017, be walking down such a horrifyingly familiar path? And at the very least, if not the same path, adjacent to. Tell me, how?
I digress. Despite the fact that the anger in my heart is still trying to put on boxing gloves, I am laying mine down because I really do believe in love above all else – even when I don’t feel it and especially when it’s hardest.
I also believe something else – that the opposite of love is not just hate despite what we have come to believe, but that is also fear.
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I recently had an interesting and long talk (ok, argument turned talk) with a very close family member. I’m not exactly sure how it started and true to the nature of an argument, I don’t even remember all that was said. Like all things not worth arguing about, this was no different: Politics. Ugh. I know, I know. Don’t worry though, I’m not talking about politics now (directly anyhow). I’ll even spare you the details, but I promise this story is still relevant and worth sharing.
Things got heated pretty quickly, as these things do. Let’s just say that this person and I have pretty polar opposite beliefs in just about every area of life. That doesn’t mean that I don’t love and respect them. It just means that most of our conversations usually linger around the surface. This time though, we dove in head-first. After a good 20 plus minutes of us both growing frustratingly less patient and more and more angry, I realized something – that same something I’ve realized many times before. In that moment though, I found it incredibly challenging to apply. That is, of course, to approach every situation and every person from a place of love. I talk a lot about how I believe the only way to conquer fear is actually love, but when it comes right down to it, making decisions and taking actions based in love can be a true test of will. In fact, it takes a bravery that many of us may question if we even have. I know I do, often.
At that point in the conversation though, I literally stopped – more as a reminder to myself than anything – and said something along the lines of this:
When we (as in you, me, and the entire world) make decisions based in fear, consciously or not, the only outcome can be hatred, separation, and more fear. When we look at it that way, our conversation must become less about abstracts and generalizations (or stereotypes) and more about what we, as individuals, truly believe and act on. For me, that means living a life of love instead of fear.
Part of that realization also meant seeing the fear that was behind the words of my family member …and, with much humility, seeing the fear behind my own.
The conversation from that point forward became more about what we individually believed – truly believed – as in lived out each day …not just our reactions, based on perceptions (based on more biased perceptions, thank you media.) We talked about our fears and pre-conceived notions (because we all have them, no matter how open-minded we might think we are), and what we could do, as individuals, to challenge those in our everyday lives – to hold ourselves responsible and to not allow those fears to masquerade as anything other than that.
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As much as I would love to point the finger and assign blame for the shameful mindset that seems to be sweeping through large parts of our nation, the truth is, I am also responsible. If I am unwilling to take a stand, even if by complacency, ignorance, or fear, then I am part of the problem. This is true no matter how afraid I am, what “triggers” I have, or what someone else says is ok. I cannot hide behind my sheltered life just because it is easier to look the other way. I am, as an individual, responsible.
You are, individually, responsible.
So I say to you this: let’s start fighting for something, not merely against! The fight against what we hate, tragically, will always be a losing battle bound by ignorance and fear. The only way to win is to shift our focus to love …so greatly and so completely that there is no room left for either ignorance or fear – and in turn, no room for prejudice, bigotry, or racism.
Now is not the time to be silent or to hide behind the ignorance that “things really aren’t that bad” – as I myself have been guilty of in the past. Not only CAN we change the trajectory of our future, but it is in fact INEVITABLE if we, individually, and actively, advocate for what is right. If we choose love.
“No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.” – Nelson Mandela